| my mommy's psycho. |
[8/20/05@11:41am] |
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mood |
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 cranky...but not too mcuh |
] |
i'm so very bored. i have classes with lotsa people. ish. but i wanna switch two of 'em. but i'm probably gonna be lazy as always n keep 'em. even ms. fucking smith.
lit&film - smith
ceramics 2 - estes
spanish 5 AP - saxon [with purse n drew]
fashion merch. - pendergrass
english 4 ap - miklos [with purse, ian, healim]
creative writing - arentsen
environ. ap - mayville [with ian's brother?]
stat ap - hinson [with alex.]
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[8/12/05@7:54pm] |
ok, so i don't use all these stupid journals often enough. i mean i do, but it's like the biggest random ass mess of my life. in a good way. but everyone always only gets bits n pieces. unless they actually care enough to pay attention when i tell them shit. lol. so yeah. i had my journal count down for a good while but it's still four online and one in my room. whoa. lol. lotsa journals. but yeah. i need to cut down. it's like an addiction. haha. no, no it's not. i'm not addicted to the internet in anyway shape or form. [denial] oh..so nemo. lol. w/e i'm peacin' out cuz the chillin's gotta get ready for bed and i'm the responsible baby sitter. hahahahahaha. yeah right.
*loveandkissesfromthegirlnextdoorthatyoucantwaitto.......???*
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| insanity gives me pleasure |
[8/7/05@10:10pm] |
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today was great. i went shopping with mommy this morning. then i went out with my boyfriend. i got shoes. and tanks. and spent the afternoon with the best person in the entire fucking world. [haha, my entire world]
i have an amazing life. and god damnit, i hope this keeps going amazing. because i'm sooo fucking happy.
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| wow you have no idea. |
[8/6/05@12:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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computer hum, ps2 hum, a/c hum, and that noise outside hum.. |
] |
today was awesome. like truely amazing. in a simple way. ah, i know that sounds odd but whatever.
i had to actually get up this morning. that sucked. but it didn't matter. amber came n picked me up at like 920something n then we went to diego's. n i got to talk to his mommy while he finished getting ready. yay. lol. n then we left n went to ihop. yummy. n other people's were there. but [uh-oh, dork moment...] i think i missed half of what happened at breakfast cuz i was just so like "holy shit, i'm so fuckin' happy cuz this guy is fuckin' awesome" lol. i was totally fuckin clueless. lol. w/e. tonight amber was all "what was he doing at breakfast? cuz he was like all over you" WHAT? lol. he so was not. although, i suppose it's a good thing she wasn't at the movie with us. lol. anyways, then we went to peggy's for a while. n we chillededed there n junk. fun stuff. tom is a nice guy. hollER amberl. you did good, told ya you could. o0o rhyme. ok...right... then amber left and tom left. then jordan n peggy n diego n me went n saw'd dukes of hazzard. well...i saw "most" of it. lol. god, i love my baby so fuckin much. i really do. i feel so retarded, cuz everytime i say it to other people i feel like they think i'm psychotic and stupid. but i'm not...well, i am. but you know what i mean. lol. i really do care about him, and i really love being with him. just knowing that he's sitting next to me or behind me or w/e makes me feel all happy and gooey inside. haha. and i think that's the coolest fuckin thing EVER. lol. and i'm being so random and rambly right now because i'm reallllly tired. and i watched all of this movie that i rented with amac n amber. it was alright. i guess...haha. i think the other movie i watched today was better but w/e. and hopefully i'll get to hang out with diego more this weekend, cuz that would be the best thing ever. lol. i sound like such a fucking valley girl and it's pissing me off. with all the "lols" and shit. w/e. and when i talk i started saying "like" all the time again. and it's like so like fucking like annoying! to me. which is wierd. i need to stop. but the computer is on my bed so i can't like go to sleep cuz i dont' feel like moving it. i don't know. i'm retarded like that. haha. whatever. i had a king size twix and yet i feel no sugar rush. wtf mate? oh well.
i have lines from the end of the world movie stuck in my head from last weeek. fuckin' kangaroos. lolol. yeah so w/e. i'm forcing myself to go to bed now. peace.
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| i did have the time of my life. |
[7/21/05@6:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 fucking amazing |
] |
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music |
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cartoons |
] |
how fucking cool. today was groovy. i hung out with kristen burk today. for the first time in three years. it was so fucking cool cuz it was like we had never stopped chillin. haha. that was so fuckin' awesome. groovy baby yeah. and she's so fucking sweet. she picked him [<333] up n we went n chilled at stonecrest.
i'm so glad she understands and approves. cuz i need someone that gets it even just a little bit. and she does <33. thank you soo much. lol.
and i love him so much. it felt so amazing to be in his arms again. it's fucking AWESOME. i can't even describe the amazing feeling i get when i'm with him. talk about groovy. haha.
i love you. oh so much i really do.
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| baby, if we do it all again you know it's gonna be the best thing. |
[7/19/05@10:42am] |
| [ |
mood |
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loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
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good old fashioned lover boy//queen |
] |
babe. you know we're so fucking screwed. the world will be mad at us. common sense should have kicked our asses long ago. everything is telling me that i'm stupid. and probably everyone. but once again i really don't give a flyin' crap. cuz i'm perfectly content. again.
i love you.
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| you've confuzzled me beyond belief, and i don't think either of us quite know why. |
[7/18/05@2:13pm] |
ok, so i've been seeing movies that i want to go see like on t.v. and such and then i put the names in my phone on the todo list or something and forget a/b 'em so i think i'll list 'em here. score. lol. ....i'm so gonna forget a/b this....
1. cry wolf
2. the skeleton key
3. tim burton's corpse bride
4. the exorcism of emily rose
5. the bad news bears
6. hustle and flow
7. the devil's rejects
8. stealth
9. sky high (i'm a dork)
10. must love dogs
11. the dukes of hazzard
12. wedding crashers
13. the 40 year old virgin
14. batman begins
15. romance and cigarettes
16. flight plan
17. red eye
18. the brothers grimm
19. the chumscrubber
20. junebug
21. asylum
22. 4 brothers
...there's more. duh. but i'm all flustered cuz of stuff.
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| willy wonka is one sexy mofo |
[7/18/05@12:36am] |
| [ |
mood |
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jubilant |
] |
| [ |
music |
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wonderwall. |
] |
ok, so i just saw charlie n the chocolate factory. i adore it. i always loved the story and god, willy wonka was always groovy....childlike in every sense of the word. depp did the most amazing job of bringing that out in the most peculiar character. and can i just say i'm currently in <333 with tim burton? lol. ok, so always love nightmare before christmas (how can you not????) and now there's the corpse bride coming in sept. GROOVY!! lol. it's animated, but not in some lame modernish way...its so oldschol nightmare ish. holler. i'm happy.
and i'm pissed. cuz my list of movies i wanna see just keeps getting longer and longer. lol. but it's cool. cuz maybe i'll take the dead girl's place at fresh market. lol. in a somber way. ah...stop, now i'm creeping myself out.
oh, but check this out: cry wolf trailer
dude, that movie looks fucking awesome. with a "g" !!! yus. and then i'm a/b to find out about "the skeleton key" cuz i saw'd a poster for it today, looks like it could be good. i've so been obsessing over movies lately. like i watched old stuff with my dad...not usually a fan of old stuff. but i freaked myself out when i recognized patrick swayze (sp?...w/e...) in roadhouse. and i watched "it's a mad, mad, mad, mad world" and that wasn't all that bad. lol.
but i'm totally dorkin' out right now n reading harry potter. i know, i've sunk so low. lol. j/p. but audi's comin to town so i should brush up on my english knowledge cuz she's like OMG HARRY FUCKING POTTER. minus my word...lol. but she's younger but i'm still "one of her bestfriends cuz we grew up together" more, our moms were friends so we were friends. but oh well. she'll be joining me at the beach. holler. lol. i'm so being overly white lately.
w/e. i'm in such a good mood though. so yeah. i think i'm gonna find out a/b this skeleton key movie and d/l some music. hm...yeah.
hey, you: call me. 807-2715, cuz i'm always free. lol
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| i just want to be with him. is that so bad? |
[7/8/05@9:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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sweet home alabama//lynyrd skynyrd |
] |
i want to fucking kill you. where the fuck do you get off calling him a bad fucking friend? because he likes a fucking girl? well you know what fucker? you must take things for granted. now, i'm no guy but if one of my friends ever cared about our friendship bad enough to not get with a guy that wanted to be wither her i would be like 'you know what, since i'm with someone new anyway, why not.' because i realize that i don't have fucking ownership over my EXboyfriends. so what the fuck is your god damn problem? i fucking dumped you. you care nothing about me. but you have the fucking nerve to tell him that he's a bad friend? he hasn't done anything with me. no matter how much i tempt him, he won't because he values your god damn friendship. and you are gonna end it over that? why? do you honestly think he sat down one day and thought "i want to date his exgirlfriend"? yeah. because that's how things work right? here he is doing all the right things for you and i'm paying for it. and i'm ok with it. after all i'm the reason he's in this situation. but knowing how hard he's working to make things ok, it makes me sick the way you are treating him like the whole god damned world centers around your pathetic fucking life. well you can go fuck a cow. because after how rude you've been to a perfectly great guy i doubt people would want to spend much time with you. honestly, if you are gonna ditch him like that, i don't see why he still want's to be friends with you, but whatever. die fucker.
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| nifty. |
[6/20/05@3:36pm] |
i haven't used that word in forever. but ok, here's a new layout. it's polka dots. [thank you tracizzle fo shizzle]. i'm happy. it's colorful. and dotty and spotty, and speckled. i made my new icon. which i don't like but who cares? i'm too lazy to try again. teehee.
<3comments. leave spots/
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| cool. |
[6/17/05@12:56am] |
today was one of the most boring and lonely days of my life. i had absolutely nothing to do. and nobody to call. cuz there's nobody that really wants to chill with a broke ass chick with no car or anything. i dunno. looks like this is all i'm gonna have to look forward to this summer. joy. hopefully things will swing for the better. god, i hope so.
<3isjustafourletterword
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| hey sexxy. |
[5/22/05@10:32pm] |
this wkend was so fun. let's see what went down. (and no.............................we're good children.)
friday:
rented movies with my daddy. we watched ocean's 11. that was like it.
saturday:
woke up early, did chores and babysat jacob. then ashley called so we went to coinstar, then jon's, then
...................fuck this. i'm on the fone with jon. peace.
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| i only almost cried. |
[5/19/05@10:06pm] |
the oc is over. holy shit, i can't believe tonight. it was awesome.
i'm bored. i was talkin' to jon, but he went to go play xbox with his bro. hm...xbox. a familiar "piss-jacki-off" thing. but he doesn't know that...yet. he already almost got me pissed today. i was tellin' him how i might hang out with richie sometime and he all was ready to say i couldnt hang out with other guys. i was like no. if you don't trust me we'll have issues, and i'm gonna hang out w/ whoever i want to, and i'm honest with you now but if you push it i'll lie. he was just like "um...ok." yeah, he knew. haha. watch ya self. lol. i'm not a bitch when it comes to what my people do i'm not gonna care unless i get screwed over. and the minute that happens, watch out fuckkers. anywho, i'm rambling.
holy shit, the deck just like collapsed on er. talk about a fun night off. right? haha.
if you want to order products from MARK. comment and i'll hook you up.
peace people.
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| frankly i don't have much to offer. |
[5/18/05@8:23pm] |
so i have an eerie feeling that shit is gonna go down for no damn reason. please god, don't let shit go down. things are going good for once, i don't know why. but they really are.
i hung out with ashley, lee, n mah baby today. we had fun as always. ashley drove and we so embarrassed the boys with our loud rap. we went to the mall. i dunno we had fun thought. scrizzle.
tv time. and talkin' to mah baby. and ashley. and lee.
hott.
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| fuck yes. |
[5/15/05@9:36pm] |
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can i just say, thank you god for all that you've done. because this boy is fabulous.
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| of course there's more then one, that's why it's so fun. |
[5/13/05@9:14pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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optimistic |
] |
so today was blah. we did nothing in chem but it was cool i chilled n talked to purse. lee and alex are pissed at me but i don't know exactly why b/c i'm being extemely careful about what i've said, but whatever. i'm not really worried about that. i was supposed to make up a test in precal but i wasn't ready for it so i decided not to. then today i came home and tried my damnedest (sp?) to stay awake but ended up passing out on my bedroom floor and when i woke up i couldn't feel my leg. haha. that was wierd. and then my mom was home so i talked to her and we decided my boobs are too flippin big. lol. but it's ok cuz i'm gorgeous. haha! and then ashley came over for dinner and we watched most of how 2 lose a guy in 10 days. then she left cuz she had to be home by 9 and then we were gonna try to go out with lee and jon but both our parents said no cuz prom's 2morrow. but it's cool cuz my mom n i are gonna pick her up in the morning and we're gonna go on a purse hunt. haha. and then my mom and i are gonna get me ready and then @ 430 jon's comin' over for pix then over to purse's dad's for more pix. then dinner @ 540? why so damn early? b/c amber and haelim are cuckoo. alex is cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, her new man. lol. but i'm excited about tomorrow. not so much b/c it's prom, but more cuz i can't wait to wear my dress and see all the pretty people and spend the evening with mah baby. i'm so excited about that.
i love that boy. he gave me a flower today. no one's ever given me a flower a'fore. so it's in my room in a lil vase thingy. i felt so special. i love walking around school with him b/c i feel so happy and i always feel like people are lookin' at me like "dude, i wish i had a boy like that" lol. that's so bad to say, but i used to think that about people so w/e.
i'm watching friday the 13th part V. and next is part VI cuz AMC kicks ass. fear friday :)
happy friday the 13th fuckers. may all your unlucky desires come true.
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| picking up the pieces of what used to be, to create a more beautiful picture. |
[5/11/05@8:15pm] |
wow. i'm so...happy. it's an amazing feeling. i haven't been this compeletly happy in forever. i don't know how to explain it, but it's just this feeling that fills me up inside, and no matter how upset i get the feeling is still there. i don't know how i got so damn lucky though. so many people never have a feeling like this, let alone the idea that a seventeen year-old KID would have them. and on top of that but twice. i don't know how that happened but thank you god for this. it's fuckin' awesome.
today was just a kruddy day. i don't know why, cuz i loved my outfit, and i did nothing all day, watched 3 movies and talked in chem. but still....i dunno. i was fine and in a super mood then i dunno, all of a sudden everything just kinda crashed. well, i crashed so yeah. i fell asleep after i talked to jon and then my mom was pissed about just i dunno what. and i just feel....too blah. but it's gonna be nice to talk to my baby in a lil while. cuz i dunno. cuz he's my baby, duh! lol.
i straightened my hair today. but it was still flippin poofy. and i have no idea how i'mgonna wear it tomorrow cuz i have senior pictures. and i'm pissed cuz my mom was gonna help me but didnt. and she was supposed to pin the bottom of my new pants so they wouldnt be so long but she hasn't. and i dunno.......she's just been bitchy lately. but whatever.
i wish jon was chillin' with me, i don't know why. i can't wait til saturday night. we're gonn a have so much fun. although, i feel bad cuz everybody else is good. haha. i'm uh...not. which is ok, cuz it means about a thousand times more fun for me. hehe. *mwah*
<3somegirlthatsreallyflippinhappy
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| love is simply a feeling. |
[5/8/05@5:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
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cade yelling at one of my brothers or michael |
] |
so now i'm even more confused. i spent friday with jon. and i saw him all week. and when i didn't see him yesterday and today i missed him. and i talked to ashley about it. and i explained the whole love thing to her. and it makes sense. sorta. cuz i love him. but at the same time i don't. but i had a woohoo insight moment. i decided that i've been in love once before right, and that time i didn't know what it'd be like until it happened and i formed this mold. and now i'm with jon, and i know it's not the same but i'm trying to squish my feelings into the same mold, but really i just need to recreate the mold to fit this in. so maybe i just need to let things happen how they're gonna happen and let my feelings go where they may...it's not like i could change 'em if i wanted to anyway. haha.
but friday was great. it felt so good just to be in his arms. we almost got in trouble with his momma though. that woulda sucked majorly. and he introduced me to a bunch of nieghbors and apparently they all like me. so i guess i'm happy about that. and wow. he's just awesome. i feel so happy and special when i'm with him. i felt all guilty cuz i had just woken up so i didn't put on make-up and i didn't change my shirt from the morning (i had my "one b/f is never enough" shirt...) but he was like "you're still beautiful" blah blah blah. but wow, it was awesome to hear someone tell me that. and later he was like "you seriously have the perfect body...flat stomach, C boobs, youre not too short, everything..." i was like WOW, someone actually took the time to think about all that stuff and notice it and still thinks it's just gorgeous. i'm so happy.
my mom bought me a hair straightener. she's gonna "practice" on monday for my hair for prom. yay. we're gonna straighten it and then use the curling iron and put in loose curls. and pin it up really loose and pretty. i'm so excited. when momma does my hair it usually comes out really good, hopefully that won't change. so yeah. and i love my dress to death. and my shoes. and i have no idea what i'm gonna do a/b a purse and junk, that's gonna suck a tiny bit. but we'll see. everything is just so exciting.
but all this good stuff is scaring me. everything's falling into place too well. but maybe this summer is just gonna be better then last! wow, that would have to be an amazing fuckin' summer.
and i'm gonna try to hook up ashley and lee cuz they're both single and i was talking to jon and it could so work. i dunno if lee would move to fast for her though. i think them together wouldn't be too bad, and i'd love to try. she said she'd go out with him, and jon thinks he'd go out with her. i'm crossin' my fingers.
and i'm excited about speed street. that's gonna be fun. cuz my dad n ben will be outta town. and i'm going friday with i dunno who and jon. lol. so i'll get to see 3 doors down and have an awesome time. and then saturday i'm gonna convince my mom to let me have friends over while she's at speed street to see styx. we made a deal a/b babysitting so yeah. we're taking turns going out. haha. that's so retarded but it works. so i'm really happy about that.
hopefully all this works out as well as i'm expecting it too.
<3theevilbitchwhohadamomentandusedittoheradvantageandsomehowmadeeverythingallbetterbykillingthefeelinginsidethatwouldntseemtogoaway.
sorry.
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| hell froze over. sorry. |
[5/3/05@10:07pm] |
this journal is gonna be partially friends only. so if you wanna hear the whole story then comment on THIS ENTRY. and i'll add ya.
<3.<3.
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